Adrift June 21, 2009

Your voice is adrift
I can’t expect it to sing to me
As if I was the only one

I’ll follow you
The leaf that’s following the sun
When will my weight be too much for you?
When will these ideas really be my own?
Cause this moment keeps on moving
We were never meant to hold on

This was a scene worth waking up for
When I woke up
You planted me in my own body
Don’t know why
But somehow it just feels so wrong
When you’re sad I will be lonely
But when you rise again I’ll become the sun
I will shine down upon you
As if you were the only one

Your voice is your own, I can’t protect it
You’ll have to sing
A verse no one has ever known

Don’t be afraid
Cause no one ever sings alone
Your way will never be too much for me
Your ideas have always been your own
And this moment keeps on moving
We were never meant to hold on

Lie in Our Graves June 7, 2009

Life is too short to spend it unhappy, unproductive, and unkind. Everyone’s days are numbered…we just don’t know what that number is. There are so many external forces beyond our control influencing our lives that we can’t just assume we’ll live until 100. What if we only make it to 25, 30? Will we have felt that we lived, did good, made a difference? Will we be remembered by people for the things we’ve done right rather than the things we’ve done wrong?

“When I step into the light, my arms are open wide. When I step into the light, my eyes searching wildly. Would you not like to be sitting on top of the world with your legs hanging free? Would you not like to be ok ok ok? When I’m walking by the water, splish splash you and me taking a bath. When I’m walking by the water, comes up through my toes, to my ankles, to my head, to my soul, and I’m blow away. …I can’t believe that we would lie in our graves dreaming of things that were might have been.”

It’s ok to think that the world is beautiful. It’s ok to be an adult and still enjoy the small things in life, to pause and appreciate the people and things around you. It’s ok to smile at a stranger, to open doors for other people, it’s ok to give a little rather than take a lot. Material possessions, degrees hanging on our wall, cars we drive, clothes we wear, none of it matters to anyone but ourselves. Who are we trying to impress? What is the point of constantly comparing yourself to other people wanting to be like them, better than them. Compete with yourself, be your own best self each day. Spend your days happy, joyful, and loving, not angry, bitter, and hateful.

There’s always something to be thankful for. Most of us just don’t know how to give thanks.

Safe and Sound June 3, 2009

• I’m not walking next week. I’ve discussed it w/ my family and it doesn’t seem like it’s something anyone’s too interested in. I’ll walk next year for grad school.
• We’re adding an 8th member (another dog, not a kid..) to our family of 7. I’m excited. Penny’ll now have an older brother, but I’ll always love Penny more. ;P
• ALMOST DONE WITH SCHOOL! One more final that I just need to pass. Discrete math and graph theory sucked.
• I got a new lounging pool side chair that I’ve put on my patio. I’m ready to get TAN this summer. I’ve been shockingly white for too long.
• I got accepted into the internship program! That means if a district is willing to hire me, I’ll get my own classroom with my own group of kids. I’d only be teaching 3/5 time, but that’ll be plenty! I’m guessing that’ll give me roughly 100 students, and even though I’m only teaching half the day, I still have to be on campus all day. I put down that I prefer middle school, but ultimately, I really want to be at CHS again next year teaching Algebra again. We shall see.
• I currently have two students lined up for summer tutoring. I think I’m gonna cap it off at that. I’m so tired of tutoring. It’s exhausting dashing from one house to another and it’s frustrating that I care more about how these kids do than they do. The thing is, I always say I’m gonna cap off my number of tutees at some small number but then can never turn away a student who needs help. Before I know it, I’m trying to juggle 5-7 students in an already packed week.
• I need to go buy tickets for the zoo from school. Only $5! But bleh, I’m never on campus. I’ll make a special trip some time this week.
• NBA FINALS START TOMORROW!!! Hell yeah. Lakers all the way! It’ll probably go to game 7 but it’s gonna be a good series, for sureeee. Good luck, boys!

Squirm June 2, 2009

I’m in my final stretch:

-One math lecture left (tomorrow!)
-One final exam left (next Monday)
-One more day at the high school (next Tuesday…I have this week and Monday off)
-Done at the middle school (today was my last day but I didn’t even get to see my students one last time. )

I need to decide (really soon!) if I want to walk or not. In the long run, I highly doubt I’ll care. In the short term, I’m probably gonna wish I did. Mmm. We’ll see.

I know I’m a lucky person and life has never really screwed me over in a major way. I haven’t had many doors shut in my face. I have never failed to reach a goal I’ve worked for. Yet sometimes, I still find it hard to be happy and content with things. Sometimes I’m overwhelmingly dissatisfied with my circumstances. That’s so selfish of me…but what if the things that are supposed to make me happy, don’t?

Oy voy. I’ve just been summoned to go home for dinner. Ciao ciao.