I Carry Your Heart With Me December 31, 2008

I carry your heart with me (i carry it in 

my heart) I am never without it (anywhere

I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear

no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want

no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

-=-=-

Happy New Year! 2009!

The Best of What’s Around December 29, 2008

+ Christmas was quite nice this year. I spent Christmas Eve with my parents driving around Big Bear, getting coffee, having lunch. It was lovely with the snow, but you can’t deny the beauty of San Diego weather.

+ I went for a run today. It was nice. I found this little trail…more like a maze…there was a while when I thought I was lost. It being dark out didn’t help either…

+ Winter break has been a delight. I’ve had the chance to spend quality time with a lot of old friends and new friends. There’s one more week before the madness of life hits again.

+ New Years should be fun. Being 21 definitely opens up options for the evening.Yuuup. Well, we’ll see how that goes.

+ My contacts are really pissing me off. I can’t see anything! Even this computer screen is a blur…when I’m driving on the freeway, I can’t see the exit signs clearly. Thank God I know SD so well! Hahaha.

+ I can’t believe 2008’s over..

Crush December 20, 2008

Best song ever. It can’t be topped. DMB’s masterpiece.

I Owe You a Love Song December 19, 2008

• I love my bean bag. I seriously live on this thing. Mmm. ;P
• I wonder if my neighbors can hear me when I sing. I wonder if the people below me can hear me when I dance.
• I can’t believe the Lakers lost. That should’ve gone into overtime! That should’ve gone in!! Ahhh. Kobe, my love…if only.
• I enjoy living alone. I can’t imagine having a roommate…which makes it even harder to imagine sharing my LIFE with someone. Oof. If I can’t even share space and time, how can I give any of my real self?
• I still need to get two letters of rec. I hate asking. It’s so awkward. What if they say no?! Ahhh. Hmm, but from a teacher’s POV, I would never say no if a former student asked me for a letter. I think it’s somewhat reciprocal. As a student, I would only ask for a letter from a teacher or professor I respected and looked up to. As a teacher, I would be willing to write the letter because it must be for a student who I had a strong relationship with. 
• From these last couple weeks at the high school, I’ve realized that teaching is about much more than imparting information at students. It’s about being that one adult for the students who they can see on a daily basis. A lot of my students don’t live with their parents or will go long periods of time without seeing them. A lot of these kids just need to know that someone believes in them and that not everyone is giving up on them. Ahhh. That’s why it makes me so angry the teacher just quit like that. She just completely abandoned her students.
• Dave is so great. Always, but especially after a long break.
• It’s winter break. Oh yes yes yes. :D Hmm…this could be a good one…we’ll see. ;D
• Happy holidays! Less than a week until Christmas and I still have all my gifts to buy!

After An Afternoon December 17, 2008

I bare my windowed self untamed and untrained
Dreams that hardly touch our complexions truest faults
If room enough for both my drowsy spirit shall fall
Bold waves tumble to the season of my heart
You have offended my faith and my trust
Until all is lost into the beauty of the day
Until all is lost
(see-yeah, see-yeah)
And I think It’s Lost

And there’s something in the way you laugh
And it makes me feel like a child
Aspects of life they confuse me
You and your thesis amuse me
After and afternoon with you
And your rich brown eyes 
Your lips and dark hair
Elbows and exposed knees tossing toward your ceiling (as we lay in bed)
After an afternoon

Face to palm
Tear to tear
And
Mouth to tongue
Heart to ground
Heart to ground
Say, “I am in love”
Say, “Heart to ground”
Say, everything
Oh, Heart
Oh, Heart
Oh, Heart to ground
I am in love

Dreams Be Dreams December 17, 2008

• I threw today for the first time in ages! Months! Hahaha. It felt really good actually…the sun even came out for it. I still have both my flicks. That was pretty exciting. And I did it while holding something in my other hand! It did make catching hard.
• Went to Taco Tuesday with Van. I’m STUFFED. God the tacos at Fred’s are HUGE. I ordered 3 tacos and shoved 2 down. Thank God TJ went with Jenn (small world!) and he ate my last one. Oof.
• The teacher at the high school had quit, right? Well, she came back for two days…only to re-quit again. Hahaha. Oh god. What a mess.
• Private tutoring has gotten insanely busy. I did 4 students back to back tonight…which totaled to 4.75 hours of work. Oh wait. I went over for every student so really, it was 5 hours. Oof. I definitely needed today’s Taco Tuesday. Hahaha. ;P
• I’m semi starting to get excited for snowboarding next week. I don’t want to wake up sore and bruised, and I don’t want to be in the cold. I do NOT want to get off a ski lift. I do want to ride down a mountain. I do want to practice carving. I do want to get away.
• Get a load of this. No Heroes until February!!!! Whaaaaaat is that about?!? Oy. Pretty upsetting.
• Jason Mraz is my new love. Oh, speaking of love…Lakers!!! Their win tonight was a steal. Won by 2 after being down the entire game until half way through 4th quarter. Mmm. My boys are so clutch. So amazing. Oy. But now they’re on the road for a while. Only happy thoughts being sent to them from the west coast though! ;P
• Happy holidays, everyone!

Absolutely Zero December 11, 2008

Sitting here, I decided that I still believe that “all people are good at heart.” I can’t let the few bad experiences I’ve had or the few assholes I’ve met ruin it for all the good people out there. I’ve always been a trusting person and I never saw that as a vice. Maybe a little stupid at times, but I still think that people deserve to be given the benefit of the doubt and deserve to be given a chance. I’m also not the type of person who can’t forgive people.

I’m a happy person. I laugh. I have fun. I get along with people. I’m not full of hate or cynicism. I’m considerate and loyal.

“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” Haha. I’m out of hell though. Away from the fire, away from the devil. I have no fury.

Woop! Turning a new leaf.

Ordinary Girl December 11, 2008

+ Happy winter break. Happy holidays. Happy new years! Oh mann. The end of the year is always such a rush. I love it though.

+ I just thought of a wonderful way to (hopefully) tame my high school students. I’ve seen good ways of managing the middle school kids, but if this idea works for high school kids, it’ll be awesomeeeee!

+ I have a bean bag. It’s pretty freaken sweet. ;P

+ Looking forward to break.

1000 Things December 9, 2008

And I’m, I’m over-joyed

And I’m, I’m over-loved

And I’m feeling lucky like a little boy

Who’s hiding under cover

And looking to discover

Every way to play the part inside this darkened cave

The meaning of life, well it starts at the nightlight

Close your eyes and I hope you see mine

 

And I’ve, well I’ve seen a thousand things in one place

But I stopped my counting when I saw your face

Erasing memory, well I feel as though I’ve never seen a face before

Until I saw your eyes

And they’re smiling back at me through my tears

I’ve been counting all these years, oh 

Suddenly the thousand things I’ve seen were nothing more than dreams of

Of you and me

You and me

Quietly at a standstill now

Fortunately you will, well you’ll kiss me, I will

I will kiss you back

 

Oh the fact of the matter is

And I don’t know what the latter is, oh no way

See, I’ve always wanted to kiss you

But I, I always wanted to run from you

Because I’ve always wanted to miss you

And I, I always wanted to come for you

 

“Well I love my comfort foods,” you said

While you always say, “How do you do?”

The Space Between December 7, 2008

Michelle posted this on her blog…just in time for me to put off this paper even more.

 

TEN FIRSTS
First Best Friend: Jessica Yang
First Pet: Bingo
First Piercing: Ears
First Crush: Matthew Billings
First Date: Bo Huang
First CD: Janet Jackson. Hahaha.
First Car: 325i
First Love: Hmm…ok. I don’t want to answer this. I don’t wanna think about love right now. Sorry.
First School: Preschool in Solana Beach.
First Drink: Whiskey chased with Sobe. Ugh. So not good. Young and foolish.

NINE LASTS
Last Beverage: Merlot
Last Car Ride: Driving home last night from Vons. 
Last Movie Seen: Wedding Crashers. Forgetting Sarah Marshall before that.
Last Phone Call: Erik
Last Cd Played: Jason Mraz, Mr. A-Z
Last Bubble Bath: Couple months ago-ish.
Last Song Listened To: DMB – The Space Between (hence the post title)
Last time you cried: Hmm…in front of my students when my contacts were freaking out. Hahaha. But, no, really cried, probably that night when I was drunk rambling with Andre.
Last bad thing you did: Smoke

EIGHT HAVE YOU EVERS
Have you ever dated one of your best friends: Yes
Have you ever been arrested: No
Have you ever skinny dipped: No
Have you ever been on tv: No
Have you ever been in love: Geez. All these love questions. My view on love is changing, but according to where I was when I was in the relationship, yes.
Have you ever been dumped: Yes yes, of course.
Have you ever been in a car accident: Another yes yes, of course.

SEVEN THINGS YOU’RE WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. My red snowflake scarf!!
2. Grey shirt from Urban Outfitters
3. Jeans from Abercrombie
4. Heart charm bracelet from Sean
5. Silver ring from Michelle
6. Bra from Paris
7. Undies from Victoria’s Secret

SIX THINGS YOU’VE DONE TODAY
1. Made two scrambled eggs and two over easy eggs.
2. Cranked out a chunk of my paper
3. Showered
4. Made tea
5. Gave a hug 
6. [Semi] cleaned my apartment

FIVE FAVORITES
1. Yuuummmmmy pasta
2. Laughing to the point where my jaw and abs hurt.
3. Coffee dates
4. My students (middle school, high school, and private…all great)
5. Dancing to songs I can’t get enough of.

FOUR PPL YOU CAN TELL ALMOST ANYTHING TO
1. Michelle
2. Oksana
3. TJ
4. Penny

THREE CHOICES
1. black or white: Black
2. hot or cold: Hot
3. chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate

TWO THINGS YOU WANNA DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. Be successful as a daughter, wife, mother, teacher, friend.
2. Find peace and calmness within myself.

ONE THING YOU REGRET
1. Being foolish.

Black Balloon December 6, 2008

+ It’s almost Christmas and I haven’t bought gifts for anyone! I have no gift ideas!

+ I have trust issues. It’s not that I don’t trust people in general. I guess it’s more that I don’t trust anyone with my heart. I’ve lost faith in the male population. Even the good guys turn out to be bad, but I shouldn’t let the past influence or dictate my future, right?

+ Can’t wait to finish this paper and to be done with school. I hate being a student. So ready to be a teacher.

+ My teacher at the high school quit. She couldn’t take it anymore. The students made it too hard for her. A lack of respect from the students and a lack of management from the teacher all contributed to it, but I don’t know what to do anymore. I showed up on Friday morning expecting to have the entire day to write my final (as she had promised me on Monday), but before I even get in the door students are all around me telling me what happened. The whole incident sounds like it could have been a misunderstanding, but regardless, she’s gone and I ended up teaching on Friday. It went well and I had fun, but I have no idea what the students are going to do. Hopefully they can find a replacement quickly.