This last week or so has been pretty rough. I’ve been exhausted beyond belief, but during this time I’ve also learned a lot about myself and the people around me.
I’m so blessed to have parents, friends, and a boyfriend who have more faith in me than I have in myself. They’ve never looked at my weaknesses as faults and I’m thankful for that. I don’t even remember how many times Jon’s sat on the phone with me as I cried about how I’ve lost my way in church and listened to me as I shifted through my options. I’ve lost count of how many hours I’ve spent in Starbucks with my favorite girl friends plotting our little devious plans against those who’ve done us wrong or venting over how boys are always going to break our hearts. And if the world only knew how much my poor mother had to put up with from me, the world would cry for her. The anguish I’ve put her through is unbelievable. Thank God I’m finally getting to a place in my life where her and I can both be happy.
Everything’s better now…now that I’ve changed things in my day-to-day life, everything’s better. My GPA’s going up (yayyyy), my bank account’s getting bigger (extra yay), and my weight is going down.
Yes, I realized I’m measuring my happiness in superficial things, but even emotionally, I’m feeling more stable. I’m finally living a life of minimal drama and minimal angst. I love it. I used to think that I didn’t deserve this kind of life, I didn’t deserve the perfect boyfriend, I didn’t deserve the nice job, but I’ve realized that everyone deserves it.
The hardest thing a person has to learn to do is to learn to love someone else and having the courage to let them love you back (courtesy of The Wedding Date). As much as I love that movie and as successful as those lines have been at making me cry every time, I beg to differ with that statement. I think the hardest thing a person has to learn to do is to learn to love themselves and having the wisdom to control it. It’s a fine line between vanity and confidence. It’s an even finer line between being “ok” with yourself and hating yourself. I’ve found it takes a lot of trial and error and a bit of smarts to figure out where to draw the line for those things. I’ve also realized that sometimes, all it takes is one person to push you over into loving yourself. When you meet that person, if you ever do, hold on.
I find it beautiful that we have so much to learn from each other. Male or female, old or young, religious or atheist, rich or poor, everyone has a story to tell, everyone has something to offer, and I think that makes each person a gift to the world. People have a tendency to look at a person, and from how they dress, speak, and act, we think we’ve got them pegged. We think we understand all their little complexities, their idiosyncrasies, their little details. We don’t even know the half of it though. I love figuring out a person’s details. I love seeing how a person treats a stranger, treats a loved one, treats an enemy, treats themselves. It says a lot about them, more than the person may even know about themselves.
Lately, my mom’s been on my case about how I yawn. Apparently it’s not lady-like enough, not pretty enough. I hate yawning, coughing, sneezing, etc. Since she’s pointed it out, I’ve been noticing it, and have realized that sometimes, we really are just blind to our own faults. I’m quick to jump on the extra pound I’ve gained or my one gel that isn’t perfect, but when do I ever stop to notice the things I do without even thinking twice about? My point here is that any criticism, even criticism from your mom, is worth taking because it’s probably well given.
I said I was going to write for 20-30 minutes and then go to bed. It’s been 25 minutes. I have work tomorrow and then class again so I’d best get going. If you’re reading this, you probably came to mind while I was writing this and you probably mean a great deal to me. Thanks for sticking by me even when I’ve been difficult (and I often am) or when I might have hurt you.
So sad. Don’t want to deal with that quite yet.
