The Story July 15, 2009

We’re at the age where even if we haven’t been successful with relationships, we know people who have. We know couples who had been together for a long time and then broke up. We also know couples who have been together for a long time, are still together, yet are stagnant.

Why do people stay together when they aren’t happy anymore? What gives people the courage to break up?

When you’re in a relationship that has spanned across years and the other person has become a part of your identity, it’s hard to imagine yourself without them. It’s hard imagine your story being written without them whether the passion, laughter, and joy are present or not.

I’m a firm believer that if you aren’t happy, if the other person doesn’t make you want to be a better person, if you’ve stopped feeling lucky to have the other person, then it’s time to end it. No point fighting regularly. No point making the other person frown. No point making yourself feel less than your best.

People can’t walk away though. They only do under two conditions.

1) They have tapped into their “deep inner strength” and know that they can be stable without the other person. This takes self-assurance, confidence, and strength. It’s not an easy move, never is, but when it’s the right thing to do, it must be done.

2) They have found another prospect. Eyes wander, minds wander,  hearts wander. They shouldn’t, but they do. If you think you’re immune, you’re riding a high horse. It’s painful and it tears at a person to know that their love isn’t their love. That pain alone is enough is enough to bring out the selfishness in anyone.

I haven’t walked away from many relationships. It’s not something I enjoy doing, but I have to say, when I walked away for the first reason instead of the second, it was so much easier. I’m not advocating staying in unhealthy relationships, but I am hoping people can understand that there is life after the storm.

Know yourself and love yourself before you bring yourself into someone else’s life. If you’re a mess, all that baggage you bring, that load you’re hoping to lessen, it all falls on the other person’s shoulders. It isn’t fair and it definitely isn’t selfless love.

The Kiss July 14, 2009

Well, I’m up, so I’m here. The last [real] post was a little angry and bitter, so here’s my redemption post…something a little more typical of Angela…

+ These last couple of weeks of summer have been fun. Mostly cuz the work load from school let up for a bit so I had time to breathe. I’ve been exploring new places in SD, spending time with different people, catching up with old friends, and even running! I’m yet to get serious about working on my tan though. It’s just so HOT a task. Hahaha. The beach was absolutely amazing the other day. The water felt amazing after the initial cold shock, and the sand was warm and inviting.

+ Wooo! I’m kind of almost 22. I love my palindrome years. I’m excited for the new year and it definitely helps walking into it with an optimistic mindset. Let’s not thinking about how we’re getting old old old. [Edit: So, I realize I said "palindrome yearS," implying that I've lived many, but this is only my second! Hahaha. But, in general, palindromes (numerical, or otherwise) are awesomeeee.]

+ Remember my initial summer plans of not having more than 2 tutees? Well, that failed. Big time. I tutor twice a week from 2:30-8. Seriously speaking though, I’m gonna stop when the school year starts. Well, actually, that depends. If I get an internship then I’ll quit. If I can only be a student teacher then I’ll keep going cuz I’ll need the moola.

+ I learned about Shiva and Ganesha today (and also from Deb on Saturday). Very interesting stuff. I’m way down. Oh! And I also found out that DMB made a poster for their first summer show this year and it’s a pic with Ganesha holding all their instruments. I think I might have to get my hands on that. It’s too awesome.

+ I’m getting coffee with Oksana tomorrow (today). I’m so excited. It’s been MONTHS since I’ve seen her…the longest break her and I have taken from each other. Oy voy. So much catching up to do….we’re gonna be in Starbucks until closing like back in the day.

+ It’s such a trip to think about how short but long 4 years is. During the 4 years of college, people have changed so much, some to unrecognizable extents. Then again, some people haven’t changed at all. Lol. It’ll be interesting to see where another 4 years takes us.

+ The remaining bits of July are gonna take forever to pass. I’m excited for August and September. The tail-end of summer is always great.

+ Somehow, “Barbara” is still lingering. I don’t like that much at all. That should’ve passed long long ago.

+ Ohhhh my Godddd. If I can’t fall asleep soon I’m gonna be so tired tomorrow. Gonna try again. Good night, my lovelies.

Guest Check July 14, 2009

Well he thinks that he’s got me 
He thinks that I’m giving in 
See, I know all the lies and the alibis and the hypnotizing 
Where do I begin? 

He says that girls lie 
But I got news for him, cause boys lie too 
See I’m through with all your games 
And all your excuses, down to everything you say and do 

Cause I’ve seen things from a different view 
And I realize all the things I already knew 
You’re not for me 
You know I don’t think that you’ve ever been good for me 

You know, there’s got to be someone out there who’s real 
There’s got be someone who can honestly say they feel 
This music underneath my fingertips 
She says, “get a grip girl, cause guys like that don’t exist” 

Well I just wanna laugh my way through life 
And not worry about whether they think what I’m doing is wrong or right 
Cause I’ve got so much to learn 
And you know this fires just dying to burn… 

I think it’s time to leave…. 
Can I have the guest check please? 
I’m saying good-bye, to all the comfortable things 
I’m going out living my life, gonna see what a little livin’ will bring 

Cause I’ve seen things from a different view 
And I realize all the things I already knew 
Cause you’re not for me 
And no I don’t think that you’ll ever be good for me

Oil and Water July 13, 2009

I’m sure everyone’s been asked, “Would you rather be a guy or a girl?” I’ve always said that I’d rather be a girl cuz there isn’t the pressure to be the bread winner. Most guys’ll say they’d rather be a guy cuz they don’t have to get periods. The thing is, now, I’d rather be a guy. Not cuz of periods, not cuz of the future, but cuz of the present.

Men don’t understand the kind of crap women have to put up with every day. Women are the target, the prey. Men are the predator. It’s much easier to attack than to be attacked. Screw the crap about how men have the work up courage to talk to a girl, or that it’s hard to make the first move. Men are pigs and dogs. They’ll say or do whatever it takes to get what they want. It’s not about the girl; it never was.

Girls are human too. We have emotions, we’re sensitive, we KNOW when we’re being exploited. We want to be seen for who we are and what we have to offer. We’re smarter than we look. We know when words are just empty words. Most guys only speak empty words. For every sincere, genuine, nice guy you find me, I can find you 1,000 assholes. It’s not that women don’t appreciate being complimented, but we want our physical beauty to come third to our mind and our heart.

Women appreciate men who take the time to get to know them. Men who take the time to understand what we like, what we don’t like, what makes us laugh, what makes us smile, what makes us tick. We’re complex but also simple. Who we are, what we need, doesn’t change greatly over time. Men just think we’re mysteries because they never took the time to get to know us. We have passions and desires. We have special parts of us tucked in our heart of hearts.

I’m sick of guys thinking with their dicks. It’s expected, it’s understood, but i’m sick of it. Guys don’t realize the crap women have to deal with on a day-to-day basis. They don’t understand the double standard we live under in our society. They don’t understand how strong we need to be just to survive. We’re strong. We have to be. We would go insane otherwise.

PS: It’s such a turn off when guys are overly possessive, jealous, and selfish when they have noooo right. If a girl isn’t yours, she isn’t yours. You have NO right.

Shy That Way July 8, 2009

+ I’ve been listening to Tristan Prettyman everyday for the last few days. She’s amazing. Listening to her songs made me realize it’s been a long time since I’ve felt so deeply for someone. TJ described her as “broken hearted but appreciative,” which I think is spot on. You can definitely hear the pain in her songs, but you can also hear the maturity and hopefulness. I wish I could remember how it feels to know someone or be with someone who makes you feel full of love, hope, and patience.

+ I had a former professor come into my class today and ask me if I got a call from Preuss. Woop! I guess they sent my resume over there. Hopefully I’ll hear from them soon. It would be absolutely amazing to teach there. As far as I know, I’m only the second person whose resume’s been sent over to them. Keeping me fingers crossed!!

+ This next year is my last year in SD for a while. I’m trying to soak up what I can of this SD lifestyle. The sun, the moon, the stars, the beach, the neighborhoods, the familiar roads, the delicious grub, the super chill people, my students…

+ For those who don’t know (and that should be most of you since I’ve only told 3 ppl), after I get my M.Ed. and teaching credential I’m taking off to go abroad for 4 years. The idea is to go to 4 different areas around the world to teach there for a year each. Right now I’m thinking Taiwan, India, Africa, and Australia. I realize that four years is a long time, I realize that these places are far away, I realize that I’m probably getting in over my head considering I’ve never left SD, but I’m so incredibly excited. What more can I ask more? I’ll get to do what I love (teach) while traveling the world, learning about different cultures, and trying different foods. I’ll get to learn about the different education systems around the world and bring the best of what I’ve seen back to America, and by working with these children, I’ll literally be leaving footprints around the world. As an ordinary person with ordinary attributes, I forget how great an impact teachers are on students’ lives.

+ Going to Fred’s tonight with Deb and Jess even though it’s Wednesday. Going to the Incubus concert tomorrow. Going to On Broadway on Saturday with EDS ppl and our friends. I’m excited. This week (finals week) has been painful, but the aforementioned events have my very very excited.

Electric July 6, 2009

These tears stain the wood
Like cups and condensation
I am bound to you
I cannot break the situation
He’s every subject
Of every song
Like the wind carries
He moves me along
And the shadows I can’t run from
They won’t let me go
He’s the ending of a story
That I’ll never know

He’s electric
Can’t forget it
Yeah he’s electric
Don’t forget it

Sometimes he fills me up
Sometimes it’s such a shock
This is more than I bargained for
More than I would have bought
You still look at me
With well acquainted eyes
As the memories come flooding back
In a field of butterflies

It’s electric
Don’t forget
Yeah it’s electric
I can’t forget it

I know there’s hope in there
But I wanna walk away
He’s says it’s bright in there
Even in lighter shades of grey
And though it looks like rain
I’m not gonna cry
As the seasons are changing
In your heart
So will I
I will fly

Electric

Oh yes the seasons are changing
Ohh yes the seasons are changing
I’m burning up
I’m burning up
I’m electric

Too Close July 3, 2009

+ I’m rocking out to old school R&B right now and totally loving it! I heard this song (Next – Too Close) last night at Johnny V’s and it was amaaazing. Magical.

+ Quick school update. I did walk. I started grad school. Almost done with first session (which has been super lame. 9 AM’s every day).

+ I have an interview with SDUSD coming up in 10 days. Oof. It should be ok and I really hope I can get a job. I’m definitely not stressing about it, but still hoping for the best.

+ I might be moving outta my apartment sooner than I planned. And if I do move, it’ll be as sweet as sweet can be. ;P

+ I’ve had a lot of major “life moments” these last couple of weeks. I think this transitional period in my life lent itself to these moments. I feel like I’m a stronger, surer person. I know what I want, what I need, what helps, what hurts. I know what matters to me at the end of the day. I’ve done a lot of thinking about myself as an individual and myself in relation to other people. I’m aware of what kind of person I am, my strength and weaknesses, and I understand my role in relationships. I’m a daughter, sister, teacher, and friend. I am a giver, a people pleaser, an empathizer. I am weak, lonely, and hurt. I suppress pain that I don’t realize is pain. I am self-destructive. I want to help people, save people, direct people. I want to be someone’s lifeline. I want to find strength in someone and I want someone to find strength in me.

+ Hank Moody is the bomb. “The sun is chirping, the birds are shining, and the water is wet. Life is good.”

Adrift June 21, 2009

Your voice is adrift
I can’t expect it to sing to me
As if I was the only one

I’ll follow you
The leaf that’s following the sun
When will my weight be too much for you?
When will these ideas really be my own?
Cause this moment keeps on moving
We were never meant to hold on

This was a scene worth waking up for
When I woke up
You planted me in my own body
Don’t know why
But somehow it just feels so wrong
When you’re sad I will be lonely
But when you rise again I’ll become the sun
I will shine down upon you
As if you were the only one

Your voice is your own, I can’t protect it
You’ll have to sing
A verse no one has ever known

Don’t be afraid
Cause no one ever sings alone
Your way will never be too much for me
Your ideas have always been your own
And this moment keeps on moving
We were never meant to hold on

Lie in Our Graves June 7, 2009

Life is too short to spend it unhappy, unproductive, and unkind. Everyone’s days are numbered…we just don’t know what that number is. There are so many external forces beyond our control influencing our lives that we can’t just assume we’ll live until 100. What if we only make it to 25, 30? Will we have felt that we lived, did good, made a difference? Will we be remembered by people for the things we’ve done right rather than the things we’ve done wrong?

“When I step into the light, my arms are open wide. When I step into the light, my eyes searching wildly. Would you not like to be sitting on top of the world with your legs hanging free? Would you not like to be ok ok ok? When I’m walking by the water, splish splash you and me taking a bath. When I’m walking by the water, comes up through my toes, to my ankles, to my head, to my soul, and I’m blow away. …I can’t believe that we would lie in our graves dreaming of things that were might have been.”

It’s ok to think that the world is beautiful. It’s ok to be an adult and still enjoy the small things in life, to pause and appreciate the people and things around you. It’s ok to smile at a stranger, to open doors for other people, it’s ok to give a little rather than take a lot. Material possessions, degrees hanging on our wall, cars we drive, clothes we wear, none of it matters to anyone but ourselves. Who are we trying to impress? What is the point of constantly comparing yourself to other people wanting to be like them, better than them. Compete with yourself, be your own best self each day. Spend your days happy, joyful, and loving, not angry, bitter, and hateful.

There’s always something to be thankful for. Most of us just don’t know how to give thanks.

Safe and Sound June 3, 2009

• I’m not walking next week. I’ve discussed it w/ my family and it doesn’t seem like it’s something anyone’s too interested in. I’ll walk next year for grad school.
• We’re adding an 8th member (another dog, not a kid..) to our family of 7. I’m excited. Penny’ll now have an older brother, but I’ll always love Penny more. ;P
• ALMOST DONE WITH SCHOOL! One more final that I just need to pass. Discrete math and graph theory sucked.
• I got a new lounging pool side chair that I’ve put on my patio. I’m ready to get TAN this summer. I’ve been shockingly white for too long.
• I got accepted into the internship program! That means if a district is willing to hire me, I’ll get my own classroom with my own group of kids. I’d only be teaching 3/5 time, but that’ll be plenty! I’m guessing that’ll give me roughly 100 students, and even though I’m only teaching half the day, I still have to be on campus all day. I put down that I prefer middle school, but ultimately, I really want to be at CHS again next year teaching Algebra again. We shall see.
• I currently have two students lined up for summer tutoring. I think I’m gonna cap it off at that. I’m so tired of tutoring. It’s exhausting dashing from one house to another and it’s frustrating that I care more about how these kids do than they do. The thing is, I always say I’m gonna cap off my number of tutees at some small number but then can never turn away a student who needs help. Before I know it, I’m trying to juggle 5-7 students in an already packed week.
• I need to go buy tickets for the zoo from school. Only $5! But bleh, I’m never on campus. I’ll make a special trip some time this week.
• NBA FINALS START TOMORROW!!! Hell yeah. Lakers all the way! It’ll probably go to game 7 but it’s gonna be a good series, for sureeee. Good luck, boys!

Squirm June 2, 2009

I’m in my final stretch:

-One math lecture left (tomorrow!)
-One final exam left (next Monday)
-One more day at the high school (next Tuesday…I have this week and Monday off)
-Done at the middle school (today was my last day but I didn’t even get to see my students one last time. )

I need to decide (really soon!) if I want to walk or not. In the long run, I highly doubt I’ll care. In the short term, I’m probably gonna wish I did. Mmm. We’ll see.

I know I’m a lucky person and life has never really screwed me over in a major way. I haven’t had many doors shut in my face. I have never failed to reach a goal I’ve worked for. Yet sometimes, I still find it hard to be happy and content with things. Sometimes I’m overwhelmingly dissatisfied with my circumstances. That’s so selfish of me…but what if the things that are supposed to make me happy, don’t?

Oy voy. I’ve just been summoned to go home for dinner. Ciao ciao.

Details in the Fabric May 17, 2009

What the helllllllll am I doing?! I’m so ridiculously stupid.

Thank God Criggles is visiting this weekend.

“Today is a good, good day. Thank you for joining us on this good, good day.” ~Dave. Yes yes. It can be a good, good day, always.

I’ll Back You Up May 15, 2009

I remember thinking
Sometimes we walk
Sometimes we run away
But I know
No matter how fast we are running
Somehow we keep
Somehow we keep up with each other

 

+  Deb made an interesting post. Well, it wasn’t extremely enlightening, but it was strange cuz I had been thinking about a related topic tonight as well. I think life as a female is very different than that of a male. The things we have to put up with on a daily basis are things men may never have to encounter. Do men have a sense for who’s single and who’s attached? Can they tell when they need to tone down the flirting? Or is it us females? Do we give off a vibe, an invitation? Hahah. Or maybe it’s just all in the facebook status. That would be a simple explanation for everything….

+ Getting ready for grad school is kicking my ass fast. In the last few days I learned of all these things I needed to do for them w/in the next week. A bunch of certifications, fingerprinting at the central office, letters from me, letters from teachers, forms, forms, and forms. Gha! Did I mention? I walk June 15th, I start classes June 17th. Thank you, UCSD, for graciously giving us a one day vacation. I do appreciate it and will not need recovery time. Ooof. They couldn’t at least give us half a week?

+ The teacher at my high school told me that I hold students’ attention when I’m at the board cuz I have a Vanna White complex and they like looking at me. That upsets me. I want them to want to learn and to be thinking! Arggg. That’s extremely frustrating. I’m up there busting my butt trying to teach them admist all the chaos those students have gone through this year, and then I’m told the kids aren’t really listening to me… I hope someone’s learning…

+ Again, as I’m coming to the end of my math career (for the second time), I’m finding myself fearful of missing it. There’s a strange comfort in learning math. It’s humbling and it reminds me of how much more is out there that I don’t know, haven’t seen, and may never discover. I wonder how much of everything we do is like that. There’s so much outside of San Diego I haven’t seen, and there’s also so much in San Diego I haven’t seen. Just this year, I’ve gotten to spend a lot of time in and get to know three different communities in SD that are each different from the others and different than the Del Mar and La Jolla lifestyle I’ve been so comfortably enclosed in all my life.

Recently May 10, 2009

+ I have 60 eggos in my freezer and they’re so delicious!! I’m a picky eater but I could eat the same 3 meals every day and be completely content.

+ The teacher at the high school who had quit is back. Her return is only going to bring on greater chaos and more resistance from the students. There’s only a few weeks left of school, there really was no need for her to come back. One girl was crying. Another students stuck on the door, “Ms. S is back! Run!” Everyone was talking crap. Oy. What a rough year it’s been there. This is going down in history books for me. I’ll be telling my children about when I had to student teach in the most disastrous classroom ever. In a way I’m lucky though. I know a lot of things I shouldn’t do as a teacher.

+ Sungod is on Friday. I’m not excited and not sure if I want to go crazy that day. I still need to teach..

+ Ooo. I need to buy Dave tickets. Bye!

The Song That Jane Likes May 6, 2009

So, I feel like I need to make a post although I’m not sure where to even begin updating.

+ I absolutely hate school. Lol. I can’t wait to be done with undergrad and then done with grad. I’m finding that after a year without math, I’ve completely forgotten how to study! By the end of last year, I had it down to an art, and now, I’m trying to study for the midterm I have on Friday and it seems overwhelming how much I need to know. Eh. Just need to pass though so I can walk in June!

+ Teaching is going ok. Yesterday was my first day back at the middle school after their month long spring break. I forgot how exhausting it is to teach two periods at the middle school and then to have to go straight to the high school to teach two more periods there. I’m still going back and forth about whether I prefer high school or middle school. I like that I can talk to the high school kids in a more adult way, whereas with my middle school kids, I feel like they’re children. Maybe it’s cuz I’m working with 6th graders who really are very young. I know for certain that Algebra is my favorite to teach. I think most students struggle with Algebra because it’s their first time really getting into the abstracts of math. Eh, I don’t know…I like unfolding Algebra for the kids, and it’s so beautiful when they get it. ;P

+ My parents got back from Asia a couple days ago. I wanna go to China! And Taiwan! Maybe winter break next year. It’s nice having my parents home. Takes a load off of me…

+ My UCSD advisor’s coming to watch me teach next week. Oh God!!!!!! I’ve had a lot of ppl see me teach and it’s usually not a big deal at all, but this actually counts for something! He’s coming to see if I’m ready to have my own classroom next year and teach 3/5 time. I think I’m ready, I hope he thinks I’m ready, and I hope I can get a job! I talked to Cari last week and she told me they needed an Algebra teacher next year and that she’d talk to the principal for me! Woohoo. I get to know tomorrow how that went. I would looove to be back to CHS next year.

+ It’s slowly starting to warm up here in SD. I love when it’s beautiful out.

+ Memorial day can’t come soon enough.

Funny How It Is April 15, 2009

+ Yesterday, I had a conversation with my mom about relationships. Oddly enough, I think all the mess I went through when I was younger makes my mom more confident in my judgement now. I think I have learned from previous relationships and have become smarter about certain things.

+ Math is going way over my head. Hahaha. I need to start cracking this mystery of discrete math and combinatorics. Oof. Kinda wishing I had some cryptography in my life right now instead.

+ Getting back into the swing of tutoring is exhausting. I still like tutoring for the same reasons I initially enjoyed it, but the constant reworking of my schedule according to the students’ needs is stressful and distracting. It’s all good though. Probably won’t be doing this for much longer. Another year or two at most.

Gloves Off April 9, 2009

It’s been a long time. I’ve wanted to sit down to write but haven’t had the time or the motivation. But, lucky for you all, my apartment complex shut off the water from 10AM-1 PM so I have some time to kill since my whole day has to be rearranged now.

+ Math is fun except it’s mostly combinatorics right now which I absolutely despise. We proved Euler’s phi function using combinatorics, but that taste of number theory made me miss it so much. If I ever decide to go back and get a masters in math, it’s gonna be for number theory.

+ It’s spring break for my students right now. I miss them a lot and I can’t believe I won’t see my middle school students for a whole month! It’s like winter break again. When I think about my high school students I get so frustrated. I wish I could do more. My supervisor’s breathing down my back about not doing whole group instruction, but to focus on one-on-one or small group work. The problem is, the students aren’t learning anything! None of them are learning anything. Ahhh. I can’t wait to have my own classroom. Hopefully next year…

+ I still don’t have Dave tickets for this summer…I’m kinda freaking out….kind of ok with it….

+ Last Friday night I had a chance to realize who really matters to me, what calms me, and what I’ve been bottling up. It’s become increasingly obvious that I’m not firm enough about things when I make up my mind; ppl take advantage and walk all over me because they know they can. My limit’s been tested and it’s high. I forgive too easily and don’t keep records of wrongs. Typically, these would be good things, but they seem like more of a cursing. Sure, it makes other ppl happy, but at my expense. I do too many things at my expense.

+ Yesterday morning, I went to Starbucks and the guy last in line turns around before I even finish making my way through the door, and he’s trying to start a conversation with me, but I was being cold and brief so he eventually stops. As I’m waiting in line, I think to myself, “What is this guy thinking? I clearly haven’t had my morning coffee…does he think I’m in the mood for all this? But at least he got the point and stopped trying.” But then, when he orders his drink, he tells the barista, “I’m gonna get her drink too,” pointing at me. Of course, I insistently say no a few times and he makes a joke out of it, “Yeah, you wouldn’t want a creep like me buying coffee for you.” Ahhh. That’s what I don’t get! If he knows he’s being creepy and ruining my morning, why do it! Maybe I just don’t like being hit on by strangers. It seems awkward and scary. This person could be a whole mixed bag of things, and well, I was taught to not talk to strange, unknown men.

+ I need to do dishes. My kitchen is a disaster, but there’s no water. I need to shower so I can get to work, but there’s no water. Hm…what if I need to use the bathroom?  Could I flush? Ew. Ok, no liquids for a while. Hahaha.

+ I want to travel, get out of SD. I don’t have to go far….just out…for a while.

Hello March 31, 2009

Hello, I’ve had you on my mind
For hours there’s no doubt
And there’s no use wasting time

And hello, how could I ever feel this way?
With so much left to say
There’s so much on my mind

I know there’s no use 
In trying harder
I got to gage and barter to get out

Cause baby you start and then you stop
And my heart beats big before it drops
And I dont know what to do

Uh uh uh, uh uh uh, uh uh uh, uh 

Sit back, let me love grow good for you

And hello, my god your beautiful
It’s true, everyday I stumble
Getting caught up on you

Now I, I never been so amused
There ain’t nothing left to prove
I ain’t got nothing to loose

Cause baby, I’ve been lightly drinking
And a little bit too heavy on the thinking
Won’t you tell me something good

Cause baby you start
And then you stop
And my heart beats big before it drops
And I dont know whats to do

Uh uh uh, uh uh uh, uh uh uh, uh 

Sit back and let my love grow good for you
Sit back and let my love grow good for you

So baby whatcha waiting, whatcha waiting, whatcha waiting for?

Blindfold March 15, 2009

Don’t I seem better 
Don’t I seem just fine 
I’ve been writing you love letters 
One at a time 

Keep my thoughts in order 
Put my love on the line 
But you came along and took it all down 
Put your laundry up to dry 

No matter how hard I try 
Don’t think you’ll ever see 
That your love is a perfect blindfold for me 

You swim in and out of my heart 
Like a fish in a bowl 
It’s getting warmer with summer approaching 
But still my feet are cold 

And no matter how hard I try 
Don’t think you’ll ever see 
That your love is a perfect blindfold for me 

Alone is good for me 
It’s where I’d rather be 
But I could always use the company 
When no one else will do and I still will want you 
Yeah, I still want you 
And no one else will do 

Go on push me away 
It’s the least you can do 
My eyes are soar and my feet are tired 
Baby, I’m sick of chasing you 

And no matter how hard I try 
Don’t think you’ll ever see 
That your love is a perfect blindfold for me 
No matter how hard I try 
Don’t think you’ll ever see 
That your love is a perfect blindfold 
For me

Hazy March 10, 2009

 ”Angela,

I was just completing a Preliminary Degree Check for your Math Secondary Education Major and noticed that you are one math course short for graduation.

While your Degree Audit may say you are complete it has an error. You are required to have 13 upper-division math courses (including EDS 129A-B-C) and you have 12. You will need to add one more elective for SP09.”

Oh my Godddddd!!!!! More mathhh!!! I’m gonna get owned! I’m gonna die!!! See, I love math and I’m probably going to end up enjoying it, but I feel like math is so beyond me that I have to spend so much time pepping myself up for these classes. I need to turn my super math nerd geek on….and I haven’t…and I haven’t planned for it.

What’s worse though, I only have four choices (simply cuz I’ve taken most or don’t satisfy prereqs for others) and they all interfere with my high school AND middle school teaching schedule.  :( Obviously, I’m devastated. For the middle school, it just means I have one day less a week with them, but I would still get to see all my students. At the high school though, I would literally never see certain periods. Oh geez, just sitting here and thinking about how I’m going to have to say bye to those students is making me want to cry. Hahaha. Oh man. I’m going to be one of those teachers that cry on the last day and ask all her students to come visit her next year. Lol. But the thing is, I really WOULD want all my students to keep visiting me and telling me how they’re doing it. Teachers love that kind of thing. ;P